Gods R Us – Day 7

As I start to embrace spirituality I want to briefly state my general position on God and Religion. The term God, for me, is tainted by tribal Religiosity. Man-made rules and writings that not only subordinates women but makes them property, like chattel. Androcentric societies described their male-dominated views in religious texts and sacred books that forged a humanity that is, not surprisingly, indistinguishable from a primitive society still present in male centric Religions today. https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2014-06/uom-sw062314.php

My Take is that the only tangible benefit to lift people out of their poverty and misery is the suspiciously convenient possible of a glorious afterlife. The abuse of power and privilege reeks of Religion, not spirituality, and does not reflect the glory of the cosmic consciousness. The result in the Religious indoctrination of innocents is an ‘us versus them’ one-true-religion syndrome. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/homo-consumericus/201001/it-can-be-confusing-find-the-one-true-religion

Yet, looking at such wealthy corporations today, Religions fail miserable at delivering on the core message of ‘doing unto others’ and taking responsibilities for their actions. Hypocrisy comes to mind when I reflect upon my experiences with the Catholic Church but here is some extra reading to help you better understand how you and your religion are doing.https://lifehacker.com/seven-important-lessons-from-world-religions-everyone-s-1613615832

Her name was Ginette, the name of the person revealed to me in my first Ayahuasca experience, who ‘was God, or at least God-like’ 

An early morning drive to the airport and, after a short wait, I was headed home feeling pleased that I not only survived but thrived in this arduous experience. A week has not yet passed in my transcendent quest and I already find it one of the most amazing journeys of my life. I knew that people claimed it to be so but first hand experience, for me, a science-based, physical world-centered, skeptic allows me to know the truth that it holds. Experiencing another dimension in our cosmos, for me, was as real as death is inevitable. 

On the flight down I was fearful of catching a cold from fellow passengers so I wore a protective face mask and kept to myself. Now, not only didn’t I wear a face mask but I felt more open, more connected to my fellow passengers. I engaged with the kids that I ignored on the flight down and started a conversation with the elderly woman sitting beside me, who turned out to be the grandmother of the children.

As I relaxed, the children ran around me as studied the stranger in their midst who sat in the chair across the aisle and between their parents and their grandmother. I engaged their grandmother, who was their de facto guardian as their parents dozed, to understand the family dynamic. We traded pleasantries but when we exchanged names I was stunned. Her name was Ginette, the name of the person revealed to me in my first Ayahuasca experience, who ‘was God, or at least God-like’. 

My thoughts ran wild, like the unsupervised children in the aisle

I couldn’t dismiss this coincidence. Yet, I’ve always viewed such improbabilities as random unlikely circumstances. But, now I’m no longer so certain. She was the first person that I’ve met named Ginette, ever. Yet here we are sitting beside each other on a flight home to our respective middle-of-nowhere communities. It was only a few days ago that I was told to seek God by seeking Ginette. 

During my first Ayahuasca experience I experienced a comforting warmth and unconditional, eternal love. Yet all I saw was a magical sky. There was no entity, no image of a consciousness behind this force, known for spiritual awakening. For a moment, I wondered if it was real or just my over-active imagination stimulated by the traditionally religious Ayahuasca but I had no real idea how it might effect me. https://www.soul-herbs.com/ayahuasca-effects/

Then, when one of the Soul Quest people kneeled beside me and gently told me ‘if you want to know God then you need to seek Ginette’ I was intrigued but confused. But this didn’t occur just once. I was told by another person that while on Ayahuasca, he also was told to seek ‘Ginette’. I remember distinctly talking to him about this at some length, yet like the Soul Quest person, he also denied the interaction.  

Maybe my Ginette-is-God delusion has nothing to do with Ayahuasca or Aging but simply that I’ve lost touch with reality

It was a freaky coincidence that some, including Carl Jung, might call synchronicity, which holds that such collisions of events are “meaningful coincidences”. Yet, for me, both of these experience were not only as vivid and as real as a tooth ache but they were also absolutely unique. I couldn’t imagine a more unlikely set of coincidences, let alone believing that they were inventions on my part. https://www.carl-jung.net/synchronicity.html

I couldn’t help wonder if all this was my imagination, despite the apparent ‘meaningful coincidences’. Perhaps it is connected to an Ayahuasca hallucination that felt real at the time but was simply a projection of mine based on what I imagined I had already heard about Ginette in a prior conversation. 

I realize that my mind, body and heart are extensions of me but not me. They are my ego, with their own demands and agenda. My ’true self’ is not driven by my ego as it has its own separate and distinct demands and agenda. Both forces in each of our lives compete for control so perhaps my Ginette-is-God delusion is a casualty of my ongoing internal battle. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_God_Delusion

Or else I could have simply gone off the rails from age-related degenerative mental impairment. I already notice some memory loss and have been recently evaluated regarding memory issues. A brain scan was done, to establish a base line, which confirmed some age related loss. In a standard test, administered by a nurse, I scored 29 out of 30. This result was a clear indication that my decline, although unnerving, is normal for my age. 

Then there is the possibility that I am going insane. The entire Ayahuasca experience has challenged my sense of reality from the get-go. At times it was difficult to separate what was real from what was not, even though I knew that my hallucinations were not physically real, the sensations were tangible. Maybe my Ginette-is-God delusion has nothing to do with Ayahuasca or Aging but simply that I’ve lost touch with reality. 

My true self, which I now see more clearly as childlike, curious, playful and spontaneous, resonates like a radio broadcast, which amplifies my too frequently unheeded signal 

I can’t help but wonder if God is moving in mysterious ways and that this is his/her/its way for me to understand that the cosmic consciousness is in each of us. Yet, this implies that God would not only has the time but the inclination to teach me lessons. It reminded me of my Mother praying and excepting answers to her prayers. At the time it was preposterous to me. I admired her faith but, until now, I didn’t understand it as love. 

I didn’t know what to say to Ginette that would start an acquaintance with her so I again drifted away with my thoughts. I thought about why this was happening to me now. Did these events happen now because now was when they needed to happen. I did seek God, after all. I did experience a transformative transformation. Yet, once again, it sounded too self-serving to be real. 

Maybe there is a guiding light in life. This was a firm belief of my late Mother but not one that I ever considered seriously. Now I’m not so sure what to think. I now know that there is a cosmic consciousness and given that belief, also believe that anything is possible. Perhaps a ‘guiding light’ is what others might call a guardian angel, who serves to protect whichever person is assigned to them and to present any and all respective prayers on that person’s behalf. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardian_angel

Guardian Angels, for me, represented the seductive idea of an individual letting go, surrendering to a higher authority. Yet, this might be a step too-far for me to take despite my acceptance of the concepts of spiritually letting go and surrendering. A guiding angel might seems like an easy fit in the new and revised me but, first I need to get past my aversion to man-made higher authorities, such as Religions.  

I’m observing Ginette’s gestures and actions as well as her words and deeds to obtain any insight into whether she is God, or not

I wish I knew a logical answer to this riddle. Using logic, however, may not help solve this mess. Perhaps I’m experiencing some Ayahuasca after effects or I’m having a mental breakdown. It’s possible but, from my perspective, my experiences are beyond the reach of our knowledge. After all, how could we even begin to understand the scientific basis for a cosmic consciousness? https://chopra.com/articles/what-is-cosmic-consciousness

Maybe I’m puzzled because I am using my limited perceptions and knowledge to understand something that is beyond my comprehension. Our knowledge evolves with time like it always has done. I’ve been socialized to think and act along the lines of our physical world that we are now discovering is not how it once seemed to be. In fact in the span of my life and perhaps yours there has been tremendous change, although very little understanding of the penetrating and profound insights of plants and mushrooms, let alone our spiritual existence.

It is a lot to digest so soon after the experience, especially now that I am sitting next to Ginette. Maybe The Ginette, who I totally ignored on last week’s flight despite the fact she sat across the aisle from me. Last week I ignored everyone. Last week I was just trying to survive. Now, I’m observing Ginette’s gestures and actions as well as her words and deeds to obtain any insight into whether she is God, or not.

Is she THE God or as I prefer, Cosmic Consciousness?

The idea of Ginette being ‘God, or at least God-like’ was a step further again from the physical world then I was comfortable embracing. I realize that God is, of course, everywhere, even in each of us. I guess, in a way, all of creation is God. So, technically, Ginette is God, despite nothing physical or provable. 

I can accept Ginette as God, as long as God is the spiritual cosmic consciousness. We all are God in that scenario and this is something I can support knowing that each of us has God’s love and compassion inside them. But why was I told to seek her or another person named Ginette? Is she THE God or as I prefer, Cosmic Consciousness. I am still open to what this experience means and hope that clarity will emerge somehow, sometime.

Despite our perversions of Religions and Gods, we are all a part of a cosmic consciousness that is God

Three separate events over the span of a few months is telling me something. Now I just need to grasp exactly what it might be. I’d like to believe that God is not simply in each of us and all of creation but that we are all mini-me versions of God. Yet, despite knowing we are all God, I see no specific reason to imagine Ginette as ‘the’ all-powerful, all-loving God that I knelt before in the past week. 

After the plane landed and we were waiting for our luggage not far from each other at the carousel, I gave her my name and email and told her that my wife and I would welcome her and her grandkids for an afternoon visit. She was polite but distant. 

I knew the gap between us would be too great for a protective, vulnerable person to jump. Nonetheless, I knew it would be a long shot no matter what I did or didn’t it. As I drove home after a week that seemed like a lifetime away I felt that, despite our perversions of Religions and Gods, we are all a part of a cosmic consciousness that is God.

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