Soul Portrait – Day 11

Since arranging this moment to have my soul painted I have had plenty of doubts that it was even possible. When I arrived on the day my empathic guide and intrepid artist, Pamela, made me feel welcome. In short order I was asked to stretch out, enjoy the music and connect to the Divine within me. I was comfortable with the first two requests but a little baffled by the last. 

Connecting with the Divine wasn’t something that I had much experience doing in my largely temporal, unidimensional existence. I wasn’t exactly sure how to summon the Divine forth such that another person could record it for posterity. Nonetheless, I believe that we all have the Divine within us so I was willing to give it my best effort. 

After all, this is what I signed up for when I started my transformative journey six months ago. During this time I have learnt to trust in the process, to let go of expectations and to suppress my ego in order to take the formidable journey to my heart. Yet despite such progress my ‘monkey mind’ was certainly not ready to acquiesce without a struggle.

I felt at peace. I felt whole as we began connecting on another dimension. 

Then I was given a form-fitting sleep mask that helped to eliminate ordinary distractions, like light and shadows. Once comfortable I relaxed enough to let go. I began to meditate. I felt a tingling sensation like I often do when I meditate except the tingling flowed through my entire body like an electric current.

Comforted by Pamela’s soothing, intuitive brush strokes I went deeper into my meditative state. Although I didn’t know what was being created I felt vindicated by the vigorous activity and the knowledge that something was being created. I knew that the expressionless canvas was undergoing a metamorphosis and that somehow that suggested to me that I don’t know what I don’t know. 

How is it possible that my ‘soul’ was painted, without a single word exchanged, onto the canvas? It was literally mind blowing to imagine such other dimensional communication.I have long felt that the defining nature of indoctrination and conceptual thinking didn’t prepare me for a spiritual journey. In fact, it enslaved me by trapping me into my own ego and the knee-jerk reaction to thinking and acting through preordained filters. 

This portrait of my soul was another act of defiance to reclaim my connection to the Divine. 

Self-esteem is linked to social conformity and survival. Our species is largely comprised of unthinking followers, like any well-intended hive insect. Our reach is often limited to what is in front of us, not what is beyond our senses and beliefs. Plant medicine has shown me that I am and we all are a part of the Divine and not defined by easily regurgitated narrow self-interests and labels.  

I felt the energy in the palms of my outstretched hands and, occasionally, throughout my entire body. I felt a raised consciousness but not in the sense I saw visions but rather that I felt my wholeness as a divine person. I was passive in the sense that I didn’t raise a finger or paint a brush stroke but I was also actively connecting with my spiritual self.

I believe that being passive allows me to connect with the Divine in others. Through non-violence, non-judgement, and non-reactivity. It allows me to return to the innocence of my childhood and the curious, playful, fully alive self. It allows me to passively push aside the reflex thinking of my indoctrination and to reclaim the innocence that is my birthright.

A divine consciousness is part of each person’s birthright. 

If my experiences with Ayahuasca, Breathwork and Kambo are awakenings then the escape from my ego imprisonment lies with my daily practice of meditation. For this regiment has allowed me to become more aware of my ‘monkey mind’ and to confront its entrapments. 

If spirituality is my path then reaching a higher consciousness is my goal. It is my birthright and something I hope to reclaim. My end of life trajectory is set. I am not waiting for the inevitable decay of my physical life form to have such transcendent experiences as a Soul Portrait or any of the other experiences that I have had or, hopefully, will continue to have. 

In the end, the painting would turn out to be an aurora borealis of energy and a splattering of forms and figures. Some see Native American, Egyptian, as well as animal and plant life. Others see a joyful abundance of energy. I see an interconnected harmony beyond myself, in accordance with nature rather than against it. It is whatever the viewer sees in it that reveal their own state of spiritual bliss. 

All I truly know is that as the portrait was emerging time didn’t matter nor didn’t anything except being present without expectations or preconceptions. In this state I felt something that has become more accessible since I’ve started on my spiritual path of transcendence. I felt that I was once again experiencing my child-like self, my true self. 

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